Published as a ZNet Commentary, November 3, 2000

To Whom It May Concern,

With great excitement, I recently discovered your organization’s work for the betterment of mankind, through the application of racial science. As someone who has been investigating the pathological tendencies of persons of European descent (whites in the popular vernacular), imagine my delight upon reading your Charter, which notes:

“The Pioneer Fund is committed to the proposition that people of different ethnic and cultural backgrounds are, on the basis of heredity, inherently unequal and can never be expected to behave or perform equally.”

I couldn’t have said it better; and given our mutual interest in racial differences, I feel certain you will support my funding proposal. Just as you have lavishly financed those whose work demonstrates the intellectual deficiencies of blacks, so too must we examine the reasons for the disproportionate drug use, binge drinking, and propensity for serial murder that are hallmarks of the Caucasian population.

Although it has long been known that roughly ninety percent of serial killers in modern history have been white, only recently has evidence emerged to illuminate the epidemic of substance abuse in the white community. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, whites are eleven percent more likely to have used drugs than blacks and twenty-five percent more likely to have done so than Hispanics. Also, data from the Centers for Disease Control and National Household Drug Abuse Survey indicates:

— Whites in high school are seven times more likely than blacks to have used cocaine or heroin, and six times more likely to have used methamphetamine;

— Whites are forty-three percent more likely than blacks to drink alcohol and twenty-seven percent more likely to binge drink (consuming five or more drinks at a time), with white youth twice as likely as black youth to binge;

— Whites are seventy-four percent more likely than blacks to binge drink regularly (at least five times monthly), and white youth are three times as likely to do so;

— In fact, there are more whites who binge drink at least once a month than there are blacks in the entire U.S. population!

— And finally, according to one private study, white college students consume three times more alcoholic beverages weekly than black students, are two-thirds more likely to drink to the point of being hungover, and seventy percent more likely to drink ’till they puke.

Far from mere self-inflicted harm, these white behaviors actually put others at substantial risk:

— Whites are almost twice as likely as blacks to drive drunk, and fifteen percent more likely to do so than Hispanics;

— Whites between 12-17, are more likely than black youth to have sold drugs in the past year;

— The annual cost of white alcohol and drug abuse is at least $200 billion in health care and law enforcement expenditures, as well as lost productivity;

— White males are more likely than black males to have carried a weapon in the last thirty days; and white male high school seniors are twice as likely as blacks to bring a weapon to school.

Could these overwhelming examples of white pathology be mere coincidence? Or might they indicate a genetic predisposition to such harmful activities? Surely, the latter possibility is strong enough to warrant a massive research effort to get to the bottom of these phenomena.

Of course, liberals will insist there are environmental explanations for white drug and alcohol problems. One can imagine them trying to blame two-earner white families for being too busy with their dot-com startup or landscaping classes at Home Depot to give their children the nurturing needed to resist drugs. But as data from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration makes readily apparent, white kids are twenty-seven percent more likely than blacks to receive anti-drug information from parents, and twenty-four percent more likely to receive similar information in school, yet they just can’t seem to put down their needles and pipes.

Though some will claim white alcoholism is environmentally-conditioned, what with happy hour at TGI Friday’s and Chili’s entrapping white businessmen and soccer moms to get plowed on Micro-Brews and Flaming Margaritas, in the end, I feel confident that scientific truth will prevail, and whites will be forced to take personal responsibility for their behavior.

As for the methodology I will use to determine if there is a white genetic predisposition to substance abuse, I have written to Phillipe Rushton, of Ontario to ask for his assistance. Having generously underwritten Rushton’s work on black hypersexuality (which you’ll recall he demonstrated by going to a shopping mall and asking blacks, whites and Asians how far they could ejaculate) you will no doubt wish to include him in this endeavor. I propose that Rushton return to the mall and ask blacks, whites, and Asians how many bong hits they can do without choking, and how many tabs of ecstasy they can take before their eyeballs roll back in their head and they begin to drool. And with help from folks at the Genome Project, it should be easy to find not only the substance abuse genes in white DNA, but also those correlated with other high-risk, mostly white, and I dare say, pathological behaviors, like bungee-jumping, skydiving, and body-piercing.

Best of all, this research could directly impact public policy. Currently, in part because people remain unaware of disproportionate white substance abuse, law enforcement efforts are often targeted against blacks. For example, though blacks are fewer than fourteen percent of drug users, they are thirty-five percent of those arrested for possession, fifty-five percent of those convicted, and seventy-four percent of those incarcerated for drugs. In cities like Baltimore, Columbus and Minneapolis, blacks are anywhere from five to twenty times more likely to be arrested for drugs, though whites are more likely to use. Further, the drug arrest rate for black youth has recently climbed by seventy-five percent, while for whites it has fallen thirty-four percent, and black youth are forty-eight times more likely to be incarcerated for a drug offense than whites with the same record, even though whites will more likely re-offend.

By exposing pathological white substance abuse, my research could lead to a more efficient use of law enforcement dollars: instead of stopping cars driven by blacks, we could set up roadblocks leading into the suburbs, trailer parks, and gated communities where so many white addicts reside. Sure, some will say they’re being victimized for “Driving While White,” but like Dinesh D’Souza says, “Rational discrimination applies the logic of predictive evaluation to racial groups,” and “is not premised upon assumptions of inferiority.” In short, it’s nothing personal. Additionally, we could drug test all white college students receiving federal financial aid, and raid their fraternities and sororities, suspending all subsidies to those testing positive for narcotics, or those under twenty-one who have been drinking. Unfair? Hardly: as D’Souza continues:

“…Rational discrimination…can be fully eradicated only by getting rid of destructive conduct by the group that forms the basis for statistically valid group distinctions. It is difficult to compel people to admire groups, many of whose members do not act admirably.”

Although Dinesh was speaking of “rational” discrimination against blacks by cabbies, it only seems fair to apply the principle consistently; as I’m sure you’d agree.

Though this research might inadvertently cause prejudice and discrimination against innocent whites, unfairly labeled deviant because of their group’s proclivities, the search for truth cannot be suppressed in the name of political correctness: facts are facts, and we must go where they lead, just as Charles Murray and Richard Herrnstein did in The Bell Curve, many of whose sources were researchers funded by your courageous organization.

Yes, this is controversial. But my research would be in keeping with a Pioneer tradition, begun in the ’30s when your group’s founders imported copies of a Nazi propaganda film on race hygiene, for screening by American schools and civic groups. Just as this film, Applied Eugenics in Present-Day Germany, demonstrated the folly of spending money to keep the Rhineland’s genetic defectives alive, so too could my research demonstrate the waste of pouring money into drug education in mostly white schools: after all, you just can’t get through to some people.

It may be that nothing can wean whites from their insatiable appetites for drugs and alcohol. If so, then just as your founder, Wickliffe Draper, once said blacks were “genetically inferior,” and “ought to be repatriated to Africa,” so too will you surely be brave enough to call for a full-fledged “back to Europe” movement, so as to rid the U.S. of millions of narcotized Caucasian parasites. As Richard Lynn (one of your grantees) has said, it might become necessary to “phase out” inferior cultures: a prospect that might apply to whites if they’re unwilling or unable to clean themselves up. Such is the price of progress.

So, I anxiously await your reply to my funding request. I have also contacted the Free Press (which published The Bell Curve and D’Souza’s The End of Racism), since they seemed the natural choice to publish my research, once it is ready to appear in book form. I have even proposed a title: either The ‘Saved By the Bell’ Curve — named after a Saturday morning television show, popular with white kids (probably because they’re stoned) — or The Bell-Bottom Curve: a satirical reference to the style of pants made popular in the late ’60s and early ’70s by whites, especially hippies and potheads (redundant, I know).

I would appreciate any ideas you may have for the research or the title of this guaranteed bestseller. Please respond quickly: the future of our country is at stake.

Sincerely,

Tim Wise